During the past two years, I have listened to the life stories of more than 900 people who have dared to be honest with themselves. Of those, I chose 70 to spend considerable time with in order to learn how they did it. Complete strangers opened their lives and their homes to me.
These are stumbling blocks that we need to uproot before we cam find our way to where we really belong.
Money doesn’t fund dreams
Should I make money first – to fund my dream? The notion that there’s an order to your working life is an almost classic assumption: Pay your dues, and then tend to your dream. I expected to find numerous examples of the truth of this path. But I didn’t find any.
I met many people who left the money behind. But having “enough” didn’t trigger the change. It had to get personal: Something had to happen such as divorce, the death of a parent, or the recognition that the long hours were hurting one’s children.
The ruling assumption is that money is the shortest route to freedom. Absurdly, that strategy is cast as the “practical approach.” But in truth, the opposite is true. The shortest route to the good life involves building confidence that you can live happily within your means (whatever the means provided by the choices that are truly acceptable to you turn out to be). It’s scary to imagine living on less. But embracing your dreams is surprisingly liberating. Instilled with a sense of purpose, your spending habits naturally reorganise, because you discover that you need less.
PLACE defines you
One of the most common mistakes is not recognising how these value systems will shape you. People think they can insulate themselves, that they’re different. They’re not. The relevant question on looking at a job is not “what will I do?” but “who will I become?” What belief system you adopt, and what will take heightened importance in your life? Because once you’re rooted in a particular system – whether it’s medicine, New York City, Microsoft, or a start-up – it’s often agonisingly difficult to unravel yourself from its values, practices and rewards. Your money is good anywhere but respect and status are only a local currency. They get heavily discounted when taken elsewhere.
Like Don, you’ll be a lot happier if you are fighting the value system around you. Find one that enforces your set of beliefs you can really get behind. There’s a powerful transformative effect when you surround yourself with like-minded people. Peer pressure is a great thing when it helps you accomplish your goals instead of distracting you from them.
Attitude is the biggest obstacle
“Keeping you doors open” is a trap. It’s an excuse to stay uninvolved. I call the people who have the hardest time closing doors Phi Beta Slackers. They hop between esteemed grad schools, fat corporate gigs, and prestigious fellowships, looking as if they have their act together but still feeling like observers, feeling as if they haven’t come close to living up to their potential.
I have spent the best part of the past two years in the company of people who have dared to confront where they belong. They didn’t always find an ultimate answer, but taking the question seriously helped them get closer.
No comments:
Post a Comment